Friday May 23, 2025

Episode 53: Couples Therapy with a Narcissist? Think Twice

Couples therapy isn’t always a safe space, especially when a narcissist is in the room.

I get asked about this constantly: “Should we try couples therapy?” If your partner has narcissistic traits or narcissistic personality disorder, my answer is no. In this episode, I explain why.

Too often, therapy turns into a performance, another platform for the narcissist to manipulate, charm the therapist, and flip the narrative. Instead of feeling supported, the person being harmed walks out feeling blamed, invalidated, and more confused than ever.

The truth is, most therapists aren’t trained to recognize the subtle patterns of narcissistic abuse. They might know the diagnosis from a textbook, but they miss the gaslighting, coercive control, and emotional manipulation happening right in front of them. I’ve seen how that leads to real harm.

If you’ve been to couples therapy and felt like something was off, or worse, felt like the problem, you’re not imagining it. You’re not overreacting. And you’re not alone.

In this episode, I break down why I never recommend couples therapy in these situations, and why individual support is not just more effective, but also safer.

Episode Breakdown:

00:00 Introduction

01:16 Why Couples Therapy Fails with a Narcissist

03:38 Therapists Often Miss the Signs of Narcissistic Abuse

08:16 How Narcissists Use Therapy as a Stage

10:48 Their Real Agenda Isn’t Healing

12:08 Toxic Behavior vs. Narcissistic Abuse

18:06 Why Speaking the Truth in Therapy Can Be Dangerous

21:08 When Therapy Advice Causes More Harm

24:55 Is There Any Benefit to Couples Therapy?

29:55 Why Individual Therapy Is the Safer Choice

33:00 Dr. Z’s Advice and How to Get Help