Next Up: Narcissism

Episode 3: Boundaries and Narcissistic Parents with Terri Cole

“Expect that you're going to get pushback from them, because you will,” says Terri Cole, about what can happen when establishing boundaries with others. Terri is a licensed psychotherapist and author of “Boundary Boss.” Together with host Dr. Z, they delve into the critical aspects of setting boundaries and managing interactions with a narcissistic parent.
 
Terri defines boundaries as personal rules of engagement that communicate to others what behaviors you are willing, and not willing, to tolerate.  Alongside Dr. Z, they explore the common challenges of setting boundaries, including the difficulty of maintaining them in the face of pushback. Terri also introduces a unique framework for categorizing what she refers to as "boundary offenders." They are: Boundary First-Timer, Repeat Offender, and Boundary Destroyer.
 
Terri and Dr. Z also discuss the challenges of setting boundaries with narcissistic parents and the unique approaches required to effectively manage these extremely complex relationships. Red flags and common behavior patterns of narcissistic parenting are explored, including the use of emotional blackmail and competitiveness with their children. 
 
Tune in to this episode of “Next Up: Narcissism”  to gain valuable insights into how to identify narcissistic parenting dynamics, strategies to establish and maintain effective boundaries, and how to protect your own mental health while fostering authentic and healthy relationships.
 
Quotes
“Your boundaries are comprised of your preferences, your desires, your limits, and your deal-breakers—your non-negotiables. So really think about what that is, preferences, desires, limits, and deal-breakers. It's not enough to know them, which a lot of people don't even know. You have to know them and then have the ability to clearly and concisely communicate them when you so choose.” (02:54 | Terri Cole)
“This is what makes having healthy boundaries so complicated for people because even if you do spend enough time on yourself to know what your preferences are, knowing how to set a limit with someone else can be very challenging, because we're all raised and praised to be self-abandoning codependents.” (03:22 | Terri Cole)
“The reason why boundaries are broken up into the categories that they are, according to me, is because they don't all carry the same weight.” (09:00 | Terri Cole)
 
Links
Connect with Terri Cole:
terricole.com/workshop
terricole.com/fatherwound 
https://boundarybossbook.com/
https://www.instagram.com/terricole/
Connect with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman:
https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/
https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/
https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/
https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

Episode 2: Am I Dating a Narcissist or Just a Jerk?

Are you dating a narcissist, or is your partner just a jerk? Find out in this episode of “Next Up: Narcissism,” where Dr. Z, a licensed clinical psychologist and narcissistic abuse expert, outlines the key, underlying differences between behaviors that may be toxic in nature, versus those that are consistent with narcissistic abuse. Listeners will gain a better understanding of these differences along with practical strategies for how to navigate these behaviors.
 
Dr. Z stresses the importance of understanding the underlying "why" of people's behaviors. While many unhealthy behaviors may look similar on the surface, she explains that the specific purpose of narcissistic abusive behavior is to obtain power and control over the other person. 
 
To help listeners identify narcissistic abusive behaviors, Dr. Z introduces the "boundary test." She suggests canceling plans, especially with a new dating partner, then observe their reaction. Healthy reactions would include appropriate disappointment or expressing understanding. However, when dating someone with NPD, you may see extreme anger, even more boundary violations such as showing up at your house unannounced, or other manipulative tactics such as ghosting.
 
Dr. Z points out that the majority of people, when confronted with their mistakes (yes, even a "jerk"), will take accountability or at the very least be empathetic about any harm they may have caused others. A narcissist, however, will not only refuse to take accountability, but they will lack empathy for those they have hurt. 
 
If you're looking to better understand toxic relationship dynamics, or seeking tools to navigate them more effectively, tune in to this episode. Dr. Z offers essential insights and practical strategies that will empower you to make informed decisions about your relationships.
 
Quotes
“When I say function of behavior, what I mean is the underlying ‘why.’ Why did that person do X behavior? Why, at this very moment, did the person do what they did? Because we know with narcissistic personality disorder—the behaviors that they engage in—the underlying reason behind them is for power and control.” (01:47 | Dr. Z)
“You don’t need to have a reason. And that reason does not need to be narcissistic abuse to leave the relationship.” (04:19 | Dr. Z)
“The function of a narcissist’s behavior is always going to have to do with power, control, manipulation, right? We talk about all those three things—getting supply, getting attention, having the focus be back on them, having them be relevant, or having them feel big and powerful. That’s the function of their behavior.” (16:40 | Dr. Z)
 
Links
Connect with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman:
https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/
https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/
https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/
https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

Episode 1: The ABCs of NPD

“It is such a buzzword right now, which is good and bad,” says Dr. Z of the word narcissism. “We hear the terms narcissism and narcissistic abuse everywhere.” In this debut episode of “Next Up: Narcissism,” Dr. Z, a licensed clinical psychologist and narcissistic abuse expert, reconnects with her listeners to establish her mission: to provide accurate information for understanding narcissism and its impact on relationships, untangling the complexities of narcissistic abuse.
 
Delving into the ABCs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), Dr. Z gives an overview of key concepts and behaviors linked to narcissism and narcissistic abuse. She discusses the narcissist's routine avoidance of accountability as well as their attempts to socially isolate their partner. She also explains concepts like gaslighting and DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender), a common strategy used to confuse and manipulate people into doubting their own reality.
 
Dr. Z also discusses the absence of empathy within NPD and how this absence manifests into early relationship behaviors such as future faking and love bombing. Additional relational behaviors common to NPD such as hoovering and boundary violations disguised as "you’re my soulmate" are also explained. 
 
This episode also touches on the harsh realization one faces as they come to truly understand the full extent of the abuse they have endured along with the often quiet suffering secondary to fear, shame, and isolation. 
 
Dr. Z aims to educate and empower her listeners with accurate knowledge, skills, and strategies to not only recognize the red flags of narcissistic abuse early on, but to also begin their healing process.
 
Quotes
“There are so many TikTok and Instagram therapists out there that aren’t really therapists and giving inaccurate information. What I do think is essential to treatment when I'm working with somebody who is a survivor of narcissistic abuse are survivor stories. They are so unbelievably important in the journey of healing. In addition to survivor stories, you must make sure that the information you're getting, the treatment that you're getting, the suggestions that you're getting, and the strategies that you're getting are from a qualified mental health professional who is a specialist in this field.” (03:27 | Dr. Z) 
“We know narcissists are routinely avoiding accountability. They will not take accountability for any of their behaviors or the hurtful consequences of their behaviors. They just won't do it.” (07:04 | Dr. Z) 
“We care about other people. We care about their emotions. We want other people to be well. Narcissists don't—only if it benefits them. But again, it's fake empathy. Narcissists are amazing at faking empathy.” (13:41 | Dr. Z)
“Hoovering is a calculated move in which the narcissist does something to suck you back into the abuse cycle.” (23:40 | Dr. Z)
“Being in a relationship with somebody who has a narcissistic personality disorder, whether it's a parent, a friend, a colleague, your spouse, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, it doesn't matter. It's going to constantly feel like a yo-yo. It's a constant push and pull.” (54:50 | Dr. Z)
 
Links
Connect with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman:
https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/
https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/
https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/
https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

Next Up: Narcissism - Trailer

With a real, raw, and relatable approach, clinical psychologist and narcissism expert, Dr. Jaime Zuckerman, takes a hard look at narcissistic abuse and its devastating effects across relationships of all types. Next Up: Narcissism explores all things narcissism and mental health; educating listeners on the patterns of narcissistic abuse, including gaslighting, love bombing, and coercive control. Listen in each week as we breakdown these toxic behaviors, and offer concrete strategies and actionable steps to help you navigate these toxic relationships. Through in-depth discussions, Q&A’s and expert guests, you will learn the skills and tactics to unravel this web of chaos, helping you to move forward into a healthier, happier and healed life.